Very Cool Roster Stuff Much Fun Very Nice!

This thought was too long for 140 characters, but probably too short for a blog post. But fuck it.

Hjalmarsson re-signed for 5 years this morning. Take a look at the Hawks Cap Geek page.

Forget the idea of the “core”.  The 2013-14 roster has potential to look almost identical to the 2014-15 roster.  Crazy how little turnover there could be (barring trades).

Michal Handzus will almost certainly retire after this year. I imagine Bollig leaves as a UFA at the end of the season. Khabibulin will likely retire.  Sheldon Brookbank?

Get used to this roster. Next season the only difference might be the 3rd line center, a face puncher, the backup goalie, and the 7th defenseman. Wowzers.

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The Ghost of Blackhawks Email Past

Toews signed my email!

The Blackhawks are a hot ticket in Chicago right now.  There’s a waiting list for season tickets that will take about a decade to get through if you sign up right now.  Sometimes we forget how quickly everything turned around.  But this morning I was trying to delete an old Yahoo email account when I came across this old email from the Hawks sales department.  It reads a bit awkward and minor league-ish. They practically beg you to go to a game.  So here it is in all its glory:

From Jonathan Toews, Center, #19

Thanks for coming to the game! Hearing the cheers through the Anthem gave me chills! That support means a lot to us. It was a tough game, but a great result!
See Toews’ goal and other game highlights at chicagoblackhawks.com.
Read the game recap here. (Ed. Note: I checked the link and it is now dead.)

Andrew,

We’re glad you were able to join us last Sunday to see the Blackhawks’ 3-2 victory against our Original Six division rival Detroit Red Wings. The team really pulled together a consistent effort to beat the division-leading Red Wings for the third time this season (The Blackhawks are responsible for three of the Wing’s four losses!).
The Blackhawks return November 28 against Tampa Bay, and December is loaded up with big Western conference games, we need your support and we’d love to see you back at the United Center. Please also consider the Blackhawks hockey over the holiday season. Blackhawks tickets make great gifts for friends, family, or business associates, and a Blackhawks suite or group package makes a popular but simple-to-organize holiday outing, with many catering and seating options for your family or business.
All 2007-08 Season games are on sale now. For single-game tickets, visit
chicagoblackhawks.com

For partial-season plans or group outing information call Steve McNelley, at (312)455-7088 or e-mail at smcnelley@chicagoblackhawks.com.

Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life is a season ticket to the Blackhawks game.

My DIC in a (Mail)box 1

This is our mailbox feature which I said I’d do like a month ago but never got around to. It might become a regular feature. It might not. If you have a question about hockey or anything else in the world (literally anything) send and email to BlackhawksDL at gmail dot com.

@mehaas50 What Hawks player off the bench would have made the best substitute goalie if Emery got injured?

We have to assume here that none of the Hawks skaters have any experience playing goal. My criteria here is pretty much based around a guy who is a bit larger, but not to the point where it hinders his mobility. So with that in mind I’m going with Viktor Stalberg.  Honorable mention goes to Andrew Shaw who would probably be more in the Tim Thomas “scramble all over the fucking place” mold.

@tinao37 What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Do you enjoy ice cream in the winter? I mean cause wouldn’t it make you colder eating it then. cold outside = cold insides. can’t be good.

I love vanilla.  Vanilla is the most underrated flavor of all time.  Vanilla doesn’t get any respect.  People think its plain and bland, but those people are wrong. Next time you get vanilla ice cream, pay no mind to the whiteness. Close your eyes and eat it and savor that awesome vanilla flavor.

I eat ice cream year round.  I mean I’m not going around outside eating ice cream when its 10 below, but I can still eat it from the comfort of my home.  I’m planning on going to Rainbow Cone this weekend despite the high temps to be around 45. If you have never been to Rainbow Cone, you haven’t lived.

Fucking. Amazing.

@tinao37 againYou are out at a bar drinking and Burish accidentally bumps you, what do you do?

The first thing you should do if you ever make contact with Adam Burish is to go get a shot of penicillin. If you are a female, you should also grab a pregnancy test while you’re there.

My brother DanRajon Rondo’s Connect Four playing ability has been highlighted recently. Who are some NHLers you can see as being good at certain board games?

Scrabble: As we saw on 24/7, Craig Adams of the Penguins is quite the reader.  I imagine his vocabulary is pretty sizable, since he was reading War & Peace. The dude also went to Harvard.

Monopoly: I tend to be pretty good at Monopoly. The best way to win is to be able to con your opponents, lie to them, make them think you’re giving them a good deal, and then crush them and take all their money. Boston Bruins owner Jeremy Jacobs would be the best Monopoly player.

Risk: I can just picture Jonathan Toews with his uber serious stare, looking over a Risk board. He calculates every move and is always anticipating his opponent’s strategy. He leads his men to world dominance.

Dan again: Jose Canseco has recently talked about his desire to run for mayor of Toronto. What athlete/celebrity would you most like to have run for mayor of Chicago and why?

Patrick Sharp is the only guy on the Blackhawks who I could see as a politician.  He’s got the good looks, college education, likable personality. He would dominate the female demographics. He’s got my vote.

Fuck You, Sports Illustrated

Gorilla Salad saved hockey.

Who likes good news, everyone? Then good news, everyone! Hockey matters again!

You might have a few questions, such as:

  • When did hockey stop mattering?
  • What about all that hockey that I watched before? Did that not matter?
  • At what point during the Blackhawks streak did it start mattering again?
  • They still print magazines? On paper? And then they mail them? Do they use the Pony Express?

The answer is “Fuck you, hockey fan. Now buy Sports Illustrated.”

You see, as a hockey fan, you have been watching, analyzing, attending, and obsessing over games that don’t matter.  Nobody cares about your shitty little niche sport with your cute little fights and funny player names.  Hockey is nothing more than a side show in the great sports circus.

The only thing that could possibly make hockey relevant is when there’s some little streak of wins and ties that is totally not as good as whatever is happening in the NBA but its so cute that you’re trying so hard!

The Streak is the only thing that made hockey worth watching. Now that its over, I guess we have to go back to nobody watching again. It was fun while it lasted.

Fuck you, Sports Illustrated.

My Favorite Comment Ever

I got a fantastic comment today! It was on my little FJM of the dumbest hockey fan ever. My Favorite Comment comes from kaniac88 from Charlottesville, Virginia. Let’s take a look at it!

Your blog sucks.

Excellent!

But then again, it’s got a long and storied history of sucking, dating all the way back to its foundation in January of this last year.

 

It’s true! We’ve been sucking for almost two whole months now! But don’t forget how much we sucked all the way back in December 2009 at Blackhawks Down Low! We are pros at sucking!

You should keep making 10 year old South Park references and puffing out your chests.

You are in the right place! If you don’t want us to make shitty South Park references, you’re gonna have a bad time! Hail Satan!

It almost makes up for your complete lack of content and writing ability.

Slight tangent: the best grade I ever got on a writing assignment in school came with the comment “You best writing yet!” I got an A-. Please be sure to read the post where I ranked the shows House of Cards and House of Lies against the International House of Pancakes!

I’m sure you’ll get your dad to beat me up or act like you’re 10 feet tall.

My dad used to have a mustache but now he doesn’t so I don’t know if he is able to beat anyone up anymore.

After all, this is the internet and you guys are even too cool for an “About Us” section. You sure are certified bad asses.

I’m still a few credits short on my diploma for my Bad Ass degree, but let me tell you my ass is pretty bad.

I’ll go ahead and fuck off before you tell me to. It’s about the extent of a reply I’d expect.

Thank you, and please come again! I hope we exceeded your expectations with this response!