Ahhhh, Valentine’s Day. The day when single people pretend they’re not suffering from crippling loneliness, when obnoxious in-love couples PDA up in your grill, when regular couples fight about having shitty plans (if they have any at all), when married couples continue to be miserable, and last but not least, when blogs use this made up Hallmark holiday to churn out themed posts.
And with that glorious intro, once again, the Dry Island Castaways sources have come through in spades. Our sources have infiltrated several NHL franchises in order to find out what your favorite NHL stars are doing for their loved ones / defensive partners this year during Valentine’s Day.
Tyler Seguin: Tyler plans on wooing his current fling by doing her laundry for her.
Ondrej Pavelec: Will continue his newfound yearly tradition of picking up single chicks using the pickup line “Hey baby, what if I told you I inexplicably make $3.9 million every year?”
Tim Thomas: The Islander’s goalie (I still LOL every time I say that) romantically lures his sweetheart into his panic room and then watches Moonshiners while snuggling.
Greg Zanon: Greg and the family of squirrels that live in his beard are planning on a relaxing night of whittling baskets at home.
Kris Versteeg: Steeger’s…interesting new look and his galpal will hire a film crew to re-enact scenes from their favorite 70’s cop dramas.
Columbus Blue Jackets: Oh wait, the title of this post mentions “NHL Superstars.” Nevermind.
Patrick Kane: Stopping at Walgreen’s to get cards for each of his…errrrm…”friends.”
Jarome Iginla: Iggy continues to beg his lady to go on a “trip” to another NHL city, just like the last three years.
Roberto Luongo: Lu and his bestie will continue to do what they do every day: Make up the goaltending tandem for the Vancouver Canucks.
The Sedin Brothers: Buy a six foot tall picture frame, then stand on opposite sides of the frame in the middle of Vancouver pretending it was a mirror.
Dave Bolland: Wakes up Valentine’s Day morning, and tells the love of his life “I’ve never had any woman make me so incredibly happy and fulfilled” while making this face. What? That’s his happy and in love face.
Erik Karlsson: Is going to show his girl how special she is by getting the closest handicapped parking spot at the fancy restaurant tonight.